I vividly remember two things about my son’s first semester with the Corps of Cadets, when he entered the hallowed Quad as a fish, Class of ’13, and moved into Dorm 2. (Dorms on the Quad, although named, commonly go by number.)
First, I didn’t know how tired an 18-year-old could be and still function. Second, I didn’t realize how emotionally and mentally strong he was. The first scared me a bit – I had a general sense that this level of exhaustion wasn’t healthy or conducive to academics. The second made me realize that he and his buddies (male and female) would be up to the task of leading in the 21st century. I was humbled by the fortitude of these young men and women.
When his brother, Class of ’16, moved onto the Quad, in fall of 2012, it was like muscle memory for me remembering, “How can one student be this tired and this determined at the same time?” And when I looked around the Quad and saw thousands of other students with the same grit who were keeping their eyes focused on the future, keeping at bay the annoyances of the day (and there were many, many annoyances), I realized even more, this is truly the crucible of leadership. Leaders don’t learn their craft with languorous days and college escapades at night. Leadership takes determination and toughness.
As a parent, fish year is also learning about how to walk that curious fish-parent-walk – being supportive but not concerned; being a shoulder to lean on but knowing when it’s time to say, “you’ve got this;” offering confidence that your cadet can “figure it out,” whatever it is. It’s hard to let those parenting reflexes go into disuse. Like the business of sleep. There is not a cadet on the Quad who doesn’t know sleep is important. Or that eating is important. Or that having time to study is important. They know this. Parents do nothing to advance the cause of their fish by reminding them they need to sleep, eat and study. As the famous song says, “Let it go!”
(Cadets, for parents who wonder, are ingeniously well-suited to creating work-arounds. These can come in the form of protein bars in a backpack to unique locations for napping to some strange study-group mashups.)
For cadets, it’s four years of mind-numbing drills, discipline and sweat. But it’s also four years of team-building, having fun and being part of something bigger than themselves with purpose and honor. If you’ve ever watched cadets raise or lower a flag on campus, great an Old Ag in a wheelchair reliving their Corps years from decades ago, or seen them embrace the 12th Man role at a football game, you’ll know that for cadets, the payoff is sweet.
And it continues into their careers: My older son is in the USAF, having earned his pilot wings a few years ago. The younger son is proud owner of Corps senior boots and a Texas A&M engineering degree. Neither of those came easily. He leaves home soon for his first engineering job.